How do you break up with someone who is still in love with you (Mature answers please)?

Hi!





So my current boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. It's been a happy two years.





Before him, I dated this other guy, we've known each other since high school...we went out for four years, and Junior year of college split us up when he had to move really far away. I really thought that he was it. ';The one.'; Call me a hopeless romantic, but I really believe that there's one person out there for everyone. This month he came home, with every intention of staying here. We went out to catch up, and it was like nothing had changed. At all. I want to give us another try. I still feel like he could be the one I spend forever with, and now that long-distance is out of the equation, I really think that we can make this work.





Meanwhile, my current boyfriend is crazy about me. He's had some rough past relationships and a few broken hearts. Our current relationship is the longest he's ever been in. But I'm not feeling it. How to I break up with him, without completely smashing him? I don't want to keep dragging this out. I feel like I at least owe it to him to tell him right away. How should I do this?How do you break up with someone who is still in love with you (Mature answers please)?
You *will* smash him. The more distant you become, the more he will try to win your affection. Probably after this relationship, he might go a little 'crazy' and think he'll never be worth dating or being involved with. It's a tough lesson. The younger he is, the tougher it is. 'Love', to a person who has had their 'heart stomped on Christmas' several times, becomes a distant, elusive commodity. Affairs of the heart become lessened, as the person takes on a more self-involved take on life. Any future romance has a protective vale between him and his 'significant-other', never wishing to go through that pain again.





Should anyone go through that? It happens everyday. They say, ';What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.';





You're upsetting him now with not having your heart in it. Whether he says anything or not, it's 'smashing' him already. Hindsight give us reason to explain to people that maybe we should be honest about who might come back into our lives. If this conversation took place two years ago, the breakup might have been a little softer. But, what's 'done' is done. You have a choice to make.





Arguably, you already made that choice. You're not 'into' the current relationship, though you still show concern for his well being. It's gonna hurt him but you need to pursue your desires. An understanding person would listen to your delima and compromise the outcome to ';I want her to be happy, even if it's not with me.'; Not many can say that. We sometime think we 'own' the person we're with and feel we will die trying to keep them. Or, a part of us just dies.





Regardless if you start up with 'Guy 1', you're heart is not into Guy 2. You need to end this relationship anyway. I left you a link in Sources. What you do after that, is up to you. Granted, we all have to figure out life on our own terms. Your breaking up and his recovering might just be lessons you two need to learn. (It's a good thing?)





Don't take this the wrong way (I hesitated before submitting), but in the future, give your lover the conditions you would leave him; fidelity issues, abuse issues, and, in this case, if an ex-boyfriend comes back to town. At least he'd have a 'Heads Up'.





Peace.





T


(Once, 'Guy 2')