I have been with a girl for 9 months. I found out not too long ago that she has a boyfriend and has had a boyfriend the entire time we have been together. I feel like a fool. She doesn't know that I know. Things were great before. Wonderful. The last couple of weeks we haven't spent much time together. She got injured and her ';friend'; /boyfriend has been staying with her every night. I can't do this anymore. I asked if everything was ok and she said yes. Its apparently clear that she is never going to tell me the truth. I am completely in love with her and I don't know what to do. I need advice, please.How do you break up with someone you are in love with?
Check out the song ''50 ways to leave your lover'' by Paul SimonHow do you break up with someone you are in love with?
How did you find out about the boyfriend?
I am so sorry that this is happening to you, hun. It will hurt, but you have to do it just to save yourself any more pain. You deserve better. You might be in love with her, but she clearly does not give a darn about you. :-(
Just do it quickly, and don't give her a chance to talk you out of it. Maybe do it in a note or e-mail.
';I know you have a boyfriend. Sorry, but I deserve better. I can't see you anymore!';
Just do it.
HUGS
Good Luck, hun.
sounds like a complete *** of a girlfriend
because you are in love doesn't mean she is, sorry if that's harsh. But you may want to take a stronger role into seeing if she really is. (chances are if shes cheating, shes not)
at the end you shouldn't be settling. ever. its a mutual feeling and relationship
tell her she is a dog and a liar with no morals and with no morals there is no trust so there is plenty of fish in the sea and she is a used sloppy squid with no standards so you are moving on up the food chain
you deserve better and thats all that you have to tell yourself..you will get over her trust me..it will take time but you will find someone better and who will treat you with the respect you deserve..you are a queen not a doormat!
It's hard. Make sure you know that you want to break up with her before you do it or you will regret it later. It sounds like she's been lying but she may just be confused. Give her an ultimatum.
Tell her that you know. In one sentence and then leave. And you are going to cry write poetry or songs or talk to other friends. And have your sad songs ready. Everything will be fine.
You say goodbye, you cry, and you don't look back. Problem solved. 6 billion people in the world- I think you'll find somebody else sooner or later
Love triangle possibility? Perhaps you can all work it out.
im very sorry that this has happened to you but im gonna be blunt! You need to leave NOW if you stay any longer its just gonna make things worse and its just gonna be harder and hurt you more! i understand that your in love but you cant have a relationship without trust and honesty!! i know you love her but do you really want to come second to her boyfriend?!? it sounds like shes either confused and doesn't know what she wants or she wanted to play and have best of both worlds! but either way shes wrong to have strung you along and make you believe that she loved you and that you were the only one! 9 months is a really long time to keep a relationship going bast on a lie. you don't have to end it on a bad note either. just let her know that you found out about her boyfriend and you cant share your relationship with him! and that you wished things could be different but you deserve more than that!!!! im telling you now if you she try's to say sorry and say she only wants to be with you, its a lie she might be faithful and truthful for a little bit but it will happen again! if she could lie to you for the last 9months whats to say she is going to change now!!! i hope everything works out for you, and i hope you get the respect that you deserve!!!
I was going to say 'Carefully and Gently, without being hurtful'.....but now that I read your detailed follow-up, I would just be straight with her about how you feel. If she has had a boyfriend the entire time, and then just cast you aside recently when she is injured for someone else, she obviously cares more for him than you (I don't mean to sound blunt there). So, you do need to tell her you know about him, so at least she knows the reason why you want to end it, but if she has been doing this the whole 9 MONTHS, then don't worry about sparing her feelings. If you are upset or mad, let her know.
Friday, August 20, 2010
How do you break up with someone who is your first love and have been living together for 10 years?
My gf and are both first love. We have been dating for 10 years now and out of these 10 years we have been living together for 8 years. Recently I felt that I've lost the feelings for her but I still really care for her. We are fine as it is until she suggest that we should get married. I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying 'No'. I can marry her just to make her happy but if I do that I'll be lying to her and myself. I need help from anyone out there who can tell me how can I tell her my true feelings without hurting hers and that we can still be friends?How do you break up with someone who is your first love and have been living together for 10 years?
Wow, this is a hard one, but yet at the same time easy for me to answer. You see it sounds a lot like me. I was with my ex-fiancee for 8 and 1/2 years. The difference is he was my first love but I wasn't his. He really wanted to marry me, and at one time I really wanted to marry him. But we had a lot of irreconcialble differences. We hung on to each other out of comfort and still loving each other. Finally after 8 and 1/2 years. He was the one who brought it to an end. He had met someone else and even though I knew we weren't meant to be. The way he did this broke my heart!! Breaking up with me still would of been hard, but I knew we weren't meant to be together. But breaking up with me not because of someone else. But still having someone else in the picture killed me. You need to end it now, before it goes any further. You see the longer you're with someone the harder and harder it will get to breakaway. He told me it was harder on him because he was the one that had to do it. And now after several years later I can look back and see what he meant. In a way it's going to be harder on you then her. She won't realize this but it's ultimately the truth. You're going to hurt, not only for ending the relationship, even though you don't want to marry her you still love her even if you're not in love with her. And at the same time you'll inevitably hurt her. But you have to just sit her down and be truthful with her, before you push yourself toward someone else and hurt her even more. So please take the advice from someone's who's been there and done that. Do it now don't wait until tomorrow and the next and the next. Do it now and she will hurt but she will someday be able to look back and say what a decent guy to be honest and faithful. And all he was doing was being true to his heart!! I wish you the best, and like my ex said to me, one very good right thing he said to me before he ended it. Take one day at a time, tell her this and that you will always love her. For this is what he told me and now I can look back and believe this was true. He wasn't in love with me anymore for he couldn't say that, but he told me he'd always love me and this I believe!!! God bless you both!!!!How do you break up with someone who is your first love and have been living together for 10 years?
You've lost that loving feeling...woo that loving feeling..
ummm. All I can say is holy sh*t! You must be feeling so cornered right now.
I understand why you'd consider just staying with her to keep her happy.
I really think you should do something fun like when you were younger and starting out the relationship. Maybe you're just a bit bored. Try seeing if its just routine you're sick of? Do something romantic, break routine. After that if it doesn't work then, i'm not sure.
If you're 100% sure it wont work out and you tell her, its going to crush her (seeing as she wants to marry you) But she'll get over it and move on. I dont know about being friends with her - she may be so hurt she wants nothing to do with you. You have to consider every outcome.
Ok, so I lived with my first love for 7 years, and had to leave. I just would be honest with her. Tell her that you don't feel in love with her; that you care for her but not in the way that you ever want to marry or have a life together. Tell her how difficult it is to tell her, that you don't want to hurt her, but think its only right to tell her so she can move on and find someone that will love her. Convince her she is better off without you, and deserves someone to ';fully'; love her. Be as honest as you can without being ruthless. Expect her to freak out. Tell her there is nothing she can do to make it work, and as hard as it is FOR BOTH OF YOU - that you need to start planning on how to seperate. Don't lie to her anymore, the sooner the better. I am expecting she will freak out because she probably has your kids names picked out. Nevertheless, its something you must do. Be as clear and detailed as possible. Don't just say ';i don't know'; say exactly how you feel like ';I will never marry you, I don't see a future with you, i am not happy, i want out of this relationship.'; She is going to ask thousands of questions, and cry cry cry. Its a given, just try to answer them all as best you can. Good luck, I really can relate to this. My ending my relationship was kind of a shocker to my boyfriend, but as a man he handled it better than I think a woman would just because they are better at communicating their emotions.
Hi. In all fairness, I think you know it's high time to set her free, so she can make a real life for herself...Will she be upset? Likely, yes; it's been 10 years. Is it your fault? Not at all; you just went with the flow. All my best, and do what you must. Good luck.
Wow, this is a hard one, but yet at the same time easy for me to answer. You see it sounds a lot like me. I was with my ex-fiancee for 8 and 1/2 years. The difference is he was my first love but I wasn't his. He really wanted to marry me, and at one time I really wanted to marry him. But we had a lot of irreconcialble differences. We hung on to each other out of comfort and still loving each other. Finally after 8 and 1/2 years. He was the one who brought it to an end. He had met someone else and even though I knew we weren't meant to be. The way he did this broke my heart!! Breaking up with me still would of been hard, but I knew we weren't meant to be together. But breaking up with me not because of someone else. But still having someone else in the picture killed me. You need to end it now, before it goes any further. You see the longer you're with someone the harder and harder it will get to breakaway. He told me it was harder on him because he was the one that had to do it. And now after several years later I can look back and see what he meant. In a way it's going to be harder on you then her. She won't realize this but it's ultimately the truth. You're going to hurt, not only for ending the relationship, even though you don't want to marry her you still love her even if you're not in love with her. And at the same time you'll inevitably hurt her. But you have to just sit her down and be truthful with her, before you push yourself toward someone else and hurt her even more. So please take the advice from someone's who's been there and done that. Do it now don't wait until tomorrow and the next and the next. Do it now and she will hurt but she will someday be able to look back and say what a decent guy to be honest and faithful. And all he was doing was being true to his heart!! I wish you the best, and like my ex said to me, one very good right thing he said to me before he ended it. Take one day at a time, tell her this and that you will always love her. For this is what he told me and now I can look back and believe this was true. He wasn't in love with me anymore for he couldn't say that, but he told me he'd always love me and this I believe!!! God bless you both!!!!How do you break up with someone who is your first love and have been living together for 10 years?
You've lost that loving feeling...woo that loving feeling..
ummm. All I can say is holy sh*t! You must be feeling so cornered right now.
I understand why you'd consider just staying with her to keep her happy.
I really think you should do something fun like when you were younger and starting out the relationship. Maybe you're just a bit bored. Try seeing if its just routine you're sick of? Do something romantic, break routine. After that if it doesn't work then, i'm not sure.
If you're 100% sure it wont work out and you tell her, its going to crush her (seeing as she wants to marry you) But she'll get over it and move on. I dont know about being friends with her - she may be so hurt she wants nothing to do with you. You have to consider every outcome.
Ok, so I lived with my first love for 7 years, and had to leave. I just would be honest with her. Tell her that you don't feel in love with her; that you care for her but not in the way that you ever want to marry or have a life together. Tell her how difficult it is to tell her, that you don't want to hurt her, but think its only right to tell her so she can move on and find someone that will love her. Convince her she is better off without you, and deserves someone to ';fully'; love her. Be as honest as you can without being ruthless. Expect her to freak out. Tell her there is nothing she can do to make it work, and as hard as it is FOR BOTH OF YOU - that you need to start planning on how to seperate. Don't lie to her anymore, the sooner the better. I am expecting she will freak out because she probably has your kids names picked out. Nevertheless, its something you must do. Be as clear and detailed as possible. Don't just say ';i don't know'; say exactly how you feel like ';I will never marry you, I don't see a future with you, i am not happy, i want out of this relationship.'; She is going to ask thousands of questions, and cry cry cry. Its a given, just try to answer them all as best you can. Good luck, I really can relate to this. My ending my relationship was kind of a shocker to my boyfriend, but as a man he handled it better than I think a woman would just because they are better at communicating their emotions.
Hi. In all fairness, I think you know it's high time to set her free, so she can make a real life for herself...Will she be upset? Likely, yes; it's been 10 years. Is it your fault? Not at all; you just went with the flow. All my best, and do what you must. Good luck.
How do you break up with someone when you live together and still love them?
I am considering leaving my boyfriend because we are not on the same level, nor in the same place in life. We live together and I just dont know how to break up with him. The apartment is in my name, but a number of the bills are in his name. He always says he has nowhere to go. His family is unstable and he cant stay with any of them. I'm unhappy and I think he is cheating on me. How do I break this up without putting all his stuff outside and changing the locks?How do you break up with someone when you live together and still love them?
Be honest. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. There comes a time when you have to look past how breaking up with him will affect him. Look at how staying together is affecting you.How do you break up with someone when you live together and still love them?
You'll have to bite the bullet and just sit him down and tell him.
Just tell him how you feel without showing any anger or blame.
You don't want to hurt his feelings ( unless he truly is cheating on you)..but you shouldn't ignore your feelings for his benefit either
My niece is going throuh the same thing at the moment.Her house is in her name but she stays at her mothers house with the kids so she doesnt have to be near him.He has nowhere to go so she sees the only way is for her to have some space at her mams for a while to see if the space will make them or break them.Good luckheart rate monitor red hair
Be honest. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. There comes a time when you have to look past how breaking up with him will affect him. Look at how staying together is affecting you.How do you break up with someone when you live together and still love them?
You'll have to bite the bullet and just sit him down and tell him.
Just tell him how you feel without showing any anger or blame.
You don't want to hurt his feelings ( unless he truly is cheating on you)..but you shouldn't ignore your feelings for his benefit either
My niece is going throuh the same thing at the moment.Her house is in her name but she stays at her mothers house with the kids so she doesnt have to be near him.He has nowhere to go so she sees the only way is for her to have some space at her mams for a while to see if the space will make them or break them.Good luck
Broken Up, Fallen In Love (with someone else), and eventually came back to your Ex and have it work?
Why did you break up in the first place?
How long did it last?
Was it worth it?Broken Up, Fallen In Love (with someone else), and eventually came back to your Ex and have it work?
i think that everyday. but i havent fallen in love with anyone else. i know that it was only 5 months. we were best friends before that. we broke up because my mother hated the fact that i was dating another girl. and breaking up wasnt worth it. we cant even talk for 5 mins....and i hate that cuz i still love herBroken Up, Fallen In Love (with someone else), and eventually came back to your Ex and have it work?
Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg
on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but
many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring
could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your
spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk
honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more
serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a
blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If
you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it.
http://howtogetmyexback1.blogspot.com/
Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when
you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love
isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may
just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in
love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you
don't think you like the person anymore.
Falling in love is an emotional feeling that is temporary and fleeting.
True Love is a Choice.
nvr had a boyfriend
How long did it last?
Was it worth it?Broken Up, Fallen In Love (with someone else), and eventually came back to your Ex and have it work?
i think that everyday. but i havent fallen in love with anyone else. i know that it was only 5 months. we were best friends before that. we broke up because my mother hated the fact that i was dating another girl. and breaking up wasnt worth it. we cant even talk for 5 mins....and i hate that cuz i still love herBroken Up, Fallen In Love (with someone else), and eventually came back to your Ex and have it work?
Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg
on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but
many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring
could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your
spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk
honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more
serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a
blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If
you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it.
http://howtogetmyexback1.blogspot.com/
Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when
you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love
isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may
just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in
love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you
don't think you like the person anymore.
Falling in love is an emotional feeling that is temporary and fleeting.
True Love is a Choice.
nvr had a boyfriend
Why is it so hard to break up with someone that you truly love but don't want to be with anymore and your.....
partner still in love with you and wants you. How do you deal with something like this. What is the best thing to say to him.Why is it so hard to break up with someone that you truly love but don't want to be with anymore and your.....
tell him that you will always love him but that you are not IN love with him.Why is it so hard to break up with someone that you truly love but don't want to be with anymore and your.....
well, it sounds like the love is not a 'romantic' love.. more like the way you would love a friend. Tell him that. you can't have a 'romantic' love with just anyone.. some people were just meant to be and are better off as friends.
tell him that you will always love him but that you are not IN love with him.Why is it so hard to break up with someone that you truly love but don't want to be with anymore and your.....
well, it sounds like the love is not a 'romantic' love.. more like the way you would love a friend. Tell him that. you can't have a 'romantic' love with just anyone.. some people were just meant to be and are better off as friends.
What was (How did he /she say) the most romantic, Sweet Break up someone did to you ?
Please let me know if that was her or a he breaking up........
Eg, you will find someone else better (it means - I found someone else better)
It is not you (it means - oh yes, I am so annoyed by U)
U have a heart made of Crystal so fragile an sweet but the river of Love no longer flows our way - our bedroom
PLEASE share the Sweetest ways someone broke up with you and the FUNNY ones tooooWhat was (How did he /she say) the most romantic, Sweet Break up someone did to you ?
Most of my breakups have been painful and annoying! :(
The last one was sad, since we had feelings but couldn't stay together. We had a really sweet goodbye conversation but I'm not going to put the details up on a public forum like YA.
Why did you ask this question, though? If you're looking for romantic/sweet breakup ideas because you need to dump someone, well, it doesn't always work out that way. Breaking up is hard to do.What was (How did he /she say) the most romantic, Sweet Break up someone did to you ?
Hey,I think you're not interested in me so yeah..
Haha ,I wasn't interested in him, but how could he break up with me??
Eg, you will find someone else better (it means - I found someone else better)
It is not you (it means - oh yes, I am so annoyed by U)
U have a heart made of Crystal so fragile an sweet but the river of Love no longer flows our way - our bedroom
PLEASE share the Sweetest ways someone broke up with you and the FUNNY ones tooooWhat was (How did he /she say) the most romantic, Sweet Break up someone did to you ?
Most of my breakups have been painful and annoying! :(
The last one was sad, since we had feelings but couldn't stay together. We had a really sweet goodbye conversation but I'm not going to put the details up on a public forum like YA.
Why did you ask this question, though? If you're looking for romantic/sweet breakup ideas because you need to dump someone, well, it doesn't always work out that way. Breaking up is hard to do.What was (How did he /she say) the most romantic, Sweet Break up someone did to you ?
Hey,I think you're not interested in me so yeah..
Haha ,I wasn't interested in him, but how could he break up with me??
How do you break up with someone who loves you very much with the least pain possible???
I love him, he loves me, but we want different things. That isn't going to change. It's easier to stay than go... But I know, in my heart, that's it's time. I just don't know how.How do you break up with someone who loves you very much with the least pain possible???
Try to explain it as best you can with him. If you both want different things, then it just won't work - why prolong the pain of it? Whoever said life is fair was a big fat liar!
Good luck with it!
MHow do you break up with someone who loves you very much with the least pain possible???
There are no easy ways to break up with person. I suggest to you is to be honest and just come out and tell that person. But look in your heart and know this is exactly what you want to do. Wish you luck.
If your heart says you to go, even if it is not easier, better listen to Your Heart and Your Heart Only.. Even not to your Logic..
and Your Heart is the real wellwisher or you than any one on the Yahoo Answers... You judge and decide your life with your soul and heart direction...
good luck and life
no true easy way so yeah do it like your ripping off a bandaid
theres really no easy way for that unless you will tell him you dont love him anymore eventhough you still do. why is that? because guys are such an ***! if you tell him that you still love him but you just felt that its time for you to go in separate ways, he wont buy it. he will bug you bout the REAL reason your breakin up wit him. he might even accused you of having a third party! so thats probably the best way to say it. coz if you did, he might just leave you alone.
i guess if you really love each other and the feelings you have are real, there is no point of breaking up. the thing is, if you both want other things, you have each other to fulfill and to accept and complement it. but if it's really time then what your heart tells you cant be a lie.
Like the song says, ';Breaking Up is Hard to Do.'; Sooner or later, you may find that you want to leave a relationship, and you'll need to let the other person know.
Steps
1. Have things turned around in your relationship?
Have things turned around in your relationship?
Know for sure that you really do want to break up. If you are simply upset with your partner, you should consider talking about what upset you rather than ending the relationship.
2. Before having ';the talk'; that ends the relationship, think about the reasons you are breaking up. Your partner will ask you why you want out, and you should be prepared with answers. If you have trouble remembering examples during emotional discussions or arguments, write your reasons down in advance.
3. Plan out how long you are willing to spend ';breaking up'; and stick to your schedule. You may even want to arrange an appointment with a friend in a neutral location so that you can say ';I'm supposed to meet John at the restaurant in fifteen minutes, so I have to go now.';
4. Sit down with your partner and let him or her know that you need to have a serious talk. When asked ';why?'; or ';about what?';, simply respond that you've decided to end the relationship.
5. Expect your partner to do any or all of the following:
* Question -- He or she will want to know why, and whether there was anything he or she could have done to prevent the breakup. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.
* Cry -- The other person will likely be upset, and it will show. It is okay to comfort him or her, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated into changing your decision.
* Argue -- He or she may dispute anything you've said during the breakup, including examples you used in your reasons for breaking up. Don't get dragged into a fight, and don't split hairs. Let your partner know that arguing isn't going to change your decision.
* Bargain/Beg -- He or she may offer to change, or to do things differently in order to preserve the relationship. If the person didn't change when you've discussed your problems in the past, it is too late to expect him or her to truly change now.
* Lash Out -- Whether it's as simple as saying ';You'll never find anyone as good as me'; or as scary as saying ';I'll make you regret this';, he or she is usually just trying to make himself or herself feel better.
* Expect to spend at least one hour ';breaking up';, and longer if the relationship lasted a year or more.
* If at all possible, break the news ';on their turf,'; i.e. at his/her home. At least be somewhere that they feel comfortable. They'll want to feel safe enough to cry/get angry/make a scene in general. While they might be willing to do these things at your place, making someone go home after getting news like that will make them more bitter. If you both live together, breaking-up will be particularly problematic and stressful.
* Many people feel that it is poor etiquette to break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but you may lose the respect of your mutual friends if you take the easy way out.
* If you are sure you want to break up with somebody, it is best done sooner rather than later. However, if your partner has had a particularly bad day already, you may want to consider waiting for a better moment. Breaking up with them when they are already down will make them feel awful.
* While honesty is the best policy, you may want to soften the blow by avoiding sensitive issues (for example, most don't want to hear ';I'm breaking up with you because your breath smells'; ). However, being too vague can cause the other person to become even more upset.
* If at all possible, don't disappear as a method of ending a relationship. It shows a lack of respect both for the person and the relationship you had.
* Break up with him/her somewhere other than your house, workplace (etc.), because if you are over at their house, it is easy for you to leave, however if they are at your house, it could be tough to get rid of them.
hope that helped!
-lia
it hurts!!!! break up early .
There is no easy way. Just make sure you explain the reasons that you want out to him.
The answer is in your question: ';I love you, I know you love me, but we want different things. That isn't going to change.'; etc, etc.
Try to explain it as best you can with him. If you both want different things, then it just won't work - why prolong the pain of it? Whoever said life is fair was a big fat liar!
Good luck with it!
MHow do you break up with someone who loves you very much with the least pain possible???
There are no easy ways to break up with person. I suggest to you is to be honest and just come out and tell that person. But look in your heart and know this is exactly what you want to do. Wish you luck.
If your heart says you to go, even if it is not easier, better listen to Your Heart and Your Heart Only.. Even not to your Logic..
and Your Heart is the real wellwisher or you than any one on the Yahoo Answers... You judge and decide your life with your soul and heart direction...
good luck and life
no true easy way so yeah do it like your ripping off a bandaid
theres really no easy way for that unless you will tell him you dont love him anymore eventhough you still do. why is that? because guys are such an ***! if you tell him that you still love him but you just felt that its time for you to go in separate ways, he wont buy it. he will bug you bout the REAL reason your breakin up wit him. he might even accused you of having a third party! so thats probably the best way to say it. coz if you did, he might just leave you alone.
i guess if you really love each other and the feelings you have are real, there is no point of breaking up. the thing is, if you both want other things, you have each other to fulfill and to accept and complement it. but if it's really time then what your heart tells you cant be a lie.
Like the song says, ';Breaking Up is Hard to Do.'; Sooner or later, you may find that you want to leave a relationship, and you'll need to let the other person know.
Steps
1. Have things turned around in your relationship?
Have things turned around in your relationship?
Know for sure that you really do want to break up. If you are simply upset with your partner, you should consider talking about what upset you rather than ending the relationship.
2. Before having ';the talk'; that ends the relationship, think about the reasons you are breaking up. Your partner will ask you why you want out, and you should be prepared with answers. If you have trouble remembering examples during emotional discussions or arguments, write your reasons down in advance.
3. Plan out how long you are willing to spend ';breaking up'; and stick to your schedule. You may even want to arrange an appointment with a friend in a neutral location so that you can say ';I'm supposed to meet John at the restaurant in fifteen minutes, so I have to go now.';
4. Sit down with your partner and let him or her know that you need to have a serious talk. When asked ';why?'; or ';about what?';, simply respond that you've decided to end the relationship.
5. Expect your partner to do any or all of the following:
* Question -- He or she will want to know why, and whether there was anything he or she could have done to prevent the breakup. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.
* Cry -- The other person will likely be upset, and it will show. It is okay to comfort him or her, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated into changing your decision.
* Argue -- He or she may dispute anything you've said during the breakup, including examples you used in your reasons for breaking up. Don't get dragged into a fight, and don't split hairs. Let your partner know that arguing isn't going to change your decision.
* Bargain/Beg -- He or she may offer to change, or to do things differently in order to preserve the relationship. If the person didn't change when you've discussed your problems in the past, it is too late to expect him or her to truly change now.
* Lash Out -- Whether it's as simple as saying ';You'll never find anyone as good as me'; or as scary as saying ';I'll make you regret this';, he or she is usually just trying to make himself or herself feel better.
* Expect to spend at least one hour ';breaking up';, and longer if the relationship lasted a year or more.
* If at all possible, break the news ';on their turf,'; i.e. at his/her home. At least be somewhere that they feel comfortable. They'll want to feel safe enough to cry/get angry/make a scene in general. While they might be willing to do these things at your place, making someone go home after getting news like that will make them more bitter. If you both live together, breaking-up will be particularly problematic and stressful.
* Many people feel that it is poor etiquette to break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but you may lose the respect of your mutual friends if you take the easy way out.
* If you are sure you want to break up with somebody, it is best done sooner rather than later. However, if your partner has had a particularly bad day already, you may want to consider waiting for a better moment. Breaking up with them when they are already down will make them feel awful.
* While honesty is the best policy, you may want to soften the blow by avoiding sensitive issues (for example, most don't want to hear ';I'm breaking up with you because your breath smells'; ). However, being too vague can cause the other person to become even more upset.
* If at all possible, don't disappear as a method of ending a relationship. It shows a lack of respect both for the person and the relationship you had.
* Break up with him/her somewhere other than your house, workplace (etc.), because if you are over at their house, it is easy for you to leave, however if they are at your house, it could be tough to get rid of them.
hope that helped!
-lia
it hurts!!!! break up early .
There is no easy way. Just make sure you explain the reasons that you want out to him.
The answer is in your question: ';I love you, I know you love me, but we want different things. That isn't going to change.'; etc, etc.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)